


Memento Vivere

by DimensionSlip



Category: Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Angst, Character Study, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Healing, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Other tags and characters to be added as they come, Pining, Post-Canon, Salvation, Slow Burn, Spoilers for Felix's non-Azure Moon Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-02
Updated: 2019-10-10
Packaged: 2020-11-10 15:33:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,724
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20854091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DimensionSlip/pseuds/DimensionSlip
Summary: A shield with nothing to protect.A sword without a purpose.Both are worthless things, but things to protect and purposes are easy enough to find when money is involved.Felix abandoned his shield a long time ago, and what remains of him is a sword he continues to stain with blood in the name of a lord that never betrays.When Felix is severely wounded in one of his battles, Mercedes takes it upon herself to pick up the pieces afterwards.





	1. Chapter 1

He doesn't know how long it's been since he abandoned his title.

Days blend into weeks, which blend into months, after which, Felix stops keeping track of time all together.

Clothes on his back. Food to keep himself going. The blood on his sword. That's all that matters.

Fraldarius continues to thrive without him.

The world continues to march on.

_They_ don't. But Felix can do it for them, so that when they meet once more, he could at least say he tried.

* * *

_A shield with nothing to protect._

_A sword without a purpose._

Both are worthless things, but things to protect and purposes are easy enough to find when money is involved.

Felix abandoned his shield a long time ago, and what remains of him is a sword he continues to stain with blood in the name of a lord that never betrays. Money comes and goes in fixed amounts, a constant he could count on in this world that continues to give and take. It does not feel, nor does it go on a roaring rampage of revenge, or go off to die in the name of ghosts that cannot hear you.

Money never betrays, only exists.

* * *

_A beast craving blood._ He once called a certain someone that, the words bitter upon his tongue as he spat them out and meant every word.

What an irony that he's become someone he hates.

But at the same time, it fits. It's in the name of the same beast that he's turned out this way after all. It's the same beast that consumes his thoughts, his very being, until he's embodied its every move, or what he could remember of it.

It's the least he could do after he did nothing more to stop him. Just as he took on Glenn's shadow, he eagerly takes on the specter of the boar. There's a lot of room in the empty vessel he's become, only good for wielding a sword—for spilling the battlefield with blood, carnage following him in the wake of his own bloodlust.

Even if it weighs heavily upon his shoulders, he'll carry it for as long as he can. After all, it makes his blade slice cleanly through flesh, burns his regret away with the fires of ruthlessness. Mercy is something he can ill afford anyone on the battlefield, especially when his new master calls for blood to be spilled.

And so, Felix hides his sorrow beneath stony glares, unforgiving as he cuts down the next body on his path, deaf to their pleas even as they ring in his ears long after the fact. That is the way of the beast, of one that serves nothing but his ego.

* * *

He goes by "Emile" now.

Not "Glenn". Certainly not "Felix". He doesn't know why, but it's the first name he blurted out when someone asked for his. He can't remember the circumstances anymore—was it for payment? A random sojourn at the bar? But it stuck, and Felix has no inclination to correct the notion.

After all, Felix Hugo Fraldarius is long dead.

Emile dislikes interacting with others. Emile has one true loyalty, and no time for anything else. Emile has an insatiable thirst for battle and tears apart enemies in the blink of an eye.

Emile, the younger brother of Mercedes von Martritz, is another shadow he's taken upon himself to shoulder. A different kind from Glenn and the boar, but a shadow all the same.

Dark, haunting, and long gone.

* * *

There's days when Felix feels like he's bitten off more than he could chew.

But always, _always_ he makes it out of them. Almost as if the Goddess has decided to curse him with everlasting life, to mock him with the fact that he continues to live, while everything else he's cared about have far long gone.

Eventually though, the curse runs its course, and after one arduous mission, he's limping aimlessly through the streets of Charon, blood wet beneath his footsteps as he clutches his chest as if it would stopper the wound there, notwithstanding the sea of red already flowing freely out of his right thigh.

He has tried white magic on the damn thing, and even popped a few vulneraries. But none of them are effective, and simply serve to delay the inevitable. His elixir has been long lost in the skirmish he survived, along with the band of mercenaries he arrived with.

Only Felix lived, just as he always does.

It feels like ages before his legs finally give out beneath him. Felix's vision blurs dangerously as his legs splay across the ground, dark around the edges as he tries to make sense of his surroundings.

Somehow, the wall he leans against feels soft. Gray dances before his vision, blurring as he coughs blood, barely able to see what lays before him.

It isn't the first time Felix has had to deal with such a grievous injury. But it is the first time he feels like he might finally cross that threshold he's both longed for and feared, the line he forbids himself to cross by virtue of a promise that he, at the end of the day, made to the dead.

_Live._ That's what they would have told him, and as the one left behind, it's his duty to carry that burden, to see and carry through what the others could not.

Just in case, he lifts his gaze, unfocused eyes scanning the horizon as he fights a wave of nausea. As he suspects, help doesn't seem to be anywhere nearby, nor is his blood going to stop pooling around him. A bitter smile crosses his lips as his reality of death starts to sink in, along with a certain, hopeful realization.

Maybe, just maybe, he can finally see _them_ again.

In fact, it seems that the Goddess herself is there to greet him, calling out his name, welcoming him with open arms...

* * *

Felix's eyes snap wide open to an unfamiliar stone ceiling, nothing like the white expanse he imagines he would see upon crossing over to whatever lay beyond life as it is.

If this certainly is the afterlife, it's too painful, too stiff for his taste. He tries to sit up, but the bandages wrapped around his torso make it a difficult endeavor, one that has him lying right back down. He can feel his leg wrapped up in a similar manner too, but for that it's worth—

"Careful, you don't want to reopen your wounds."

Felix turns to the direction of the voice, squinting as if he couldn't believe his eyes.

"...Mercedes."

His voice comes off as a croak, unrecognizable to his ears as he beholds the figure seated by his bed.

"How…"

"...Long were you out? Or how did I find you?" Mercedes says, smiling serenely. "Two days now, and I was running some errands and the townsfolk were alarmed by a bleeding man walking around town. So I went looking for him."

_...Oh._ So people did notice.

Mercedes hands him a glass of water, which he reluctantly accepts. The liquid is cool against his throat, a reminder that this isn't quite what he imagined it to be.

He's alive. _Again._ For better or for worse.

"It's been two years now, hasn't it?" 

Mercedes taps a finger to her chin, thoughtful, as if Felix hadn't tried to let out a sigh just then and lived to regret it a moment later.

"Since the new duke's inauguration. But, ahh… you'll want to be careful, I've healed your wounds, but I can't restore the blood you've lost, or fix some of your damaged organs with magic."

This time, Felix bites back the urge to exhale deeply, contenting himself with a frown as he returns the glass to Mercedes. "Is there any permanent damage?"

"Thankfully, not," she says as she accepts the glass and sets it on the nightstand, "But it will take time to heal on their own."

"How long?"

"Two months."

Felix sharply rises to his side. "Two—"

"Yes, _two_."

Mercedes is still smiling, but her hand is firm against his shoulder, her tone brooking no room for argument as she gently, but firmly guides him back on the bed.

"If you wish for it to remain simply two, please rest and follow my instructions."

Felix turns his head to the side, away from Mercedes.

"Fine."

Something about being treated like a child doesn't sit well with him, but Felix knows when he's defeated. Mercedes may act laid back a lot of the time, but she can be an immovable mountain when it comes to certain things, and this isn't his first rondo so to speak when it came to her and tending to injuries.

Plus, if he's to return to the battlefield, it's better he did so as whole as he can. He may be an empty vessel at this point, but cracks made it hard for them to function. And by the will of some higher power, it seems like there's still much he needs to take on.

Closing his eyes, he wills himself to return to the land of sleep, resolving to ask more questions once he's got more of that in his system. He's not confident it would easily come to him, but it is far preferable company to his thoughts and Mercedes. The former being far too brutal about his harsh reality, and the latter being far too much of a reminder of what he had chosen to leave behind.

Then again, there's no rest for the wicked. And by far, Felix is the most wicked in all of Fódlan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So one thing you should know about me is that I love killing off the other half of my OTPs and writing about the other half having to cope. Which is to say, Felix and Mercedes' paired ending in a non-AM route just hit a certain chord with me and this piece and concept came about on a day when the realization hit me hard particularly. That said, I might be taking some small liberties with it, as I do want to tie it together with the other paired endings as well!
> 
> In contrast to my other FE3H stories, this one was written on my own. So if it feels a little different, that's probably it, aha. Or the topic at hand. Hope you enjoyed anyhow, and I definitely appreciate feedback of any kind!


	2. Chapter 2

_"Glenn..."_

_Felix lets out a sob as he sights Glenn's usual armor laid out in front of them, finally home after what seems like ages. He promised not to cry anymore, but it's difficult not to when the reality of Glenn being long gone crushes him under the weight of a mountain again with this reminder. He rubs at his eyes vigorously, trying to stop his tears as they fall, the motion useless as they continue to drip onto the carpet in erratic splashes._

_"That's what it means to be a shield," Rodrigue says, his gaze calm as he ignores Felix's tear-streaked face in favor of the armor that lay before his feet. "He died like a true knight."_

_Felix's eyes widen in surprise as he gapes at Rodrigue. "Why… would you say that..."_

_How can he be so proud of Glenn dying? While he wishes it never happened, Felix understands it's something that happened in the line of duty, and is a part of Glenn's job. But to callously glorify it… Glenn left them, for crying out loud! There's nothing to be satisfied about at all. He broke his promise to Ingrid, to Dimitri, to Felix—_

_"...We all have our own responsibilities," Rodrigue continues, his eyes glazed and far away, "Glenn has completed his, and I will fulfill my duty to the late king as well."_

_Then he finally focuses on Felix, absently patting his head. "You as well, Felix—to Dimitri."_

_There's only abject horror in Felix's expression as he stares at Glenn's armor, what it means, and what Rodrigue is saying..._

_Felix slaps Rodrigue's hand away, wounded, disbelieving as he lifts his eyes to Rodrigue and croaks:_

_"...Do you want me to die too, Father?"_

* * *

As with the past, Felix never hears the answer to that question, for he wakes up to a heavy weight by his leg, his mattress bogged down by what seems to be someone leaning by its side. He wrinkles his nose at the sun on his face, none too comfortable.

"Ben, Chris, don't bother our patient. And oh, a good morning to you, Felix."

Mercedes smiles as two children wearing the same kind of tunic giggle and scamper past, leaving them alone as the door closes behind them.

"Pardon them, they were curious about how you were doing, since they helped with your bandages."

Felix grunts in response, taking another attempt to pull himself into a seated position. Mercedes, as if reading his mind, begins to rearrange his pillows and helps pull him up, letting his back rest against the pillows propped against the headboard.

A glass of water later, Felix turns towards Mercedes, a question on his lips.

"What is this place anyway?"

The last thing he remembered, Mercedes was at Garreg Mach, serving as a cleric there. _So why is she all the way out in Charon…?_

"A church, though it's been repurposed into an orphanage as well. Despite it being a while since the end of the war, a lot of these children still have nowhere to go, and the Church of Seiros tries their best to provide for them."

"I see..." That did sound like something Mercedes might do, especially when it's still in line with her chosen path.

"I'd like to apologize in advance for the children here—they can get rowdy like earlier and may ask a lot of questions while you're here, but I assure you their hearts are in the right place."

Felix casts his gaze to the side. "I don't care."

"Good," Mercedes says, smiling, " I ask for your patience as I may be asking them to help with you every now and then in between all my other tasks."

"Whatever, anything to make this go faster."

She chuckles. "Thank you, Felix."

Felix grits his teeth momentarily, the sound too painfully normal, too _natural_ for his ears. "And Mercedes?"

"Yes?"

"Quit calling me by that name. It's no longer mine."

"Then what should I call you?"

"Emile."

There's a small pause, perhaps Mercedes trying to get over her initial surprise at the casual way he puts it.

"Very well, Emile," she says as if he simply didn't utter the name of her late younger brother, "I'm sorry about that."

"...Tch. Just make sure it doesn't happen again."

Another laugh escapes her. "Will do. For now, I'll get you some breakfast and change your bandages afterwards. I hope bread with cheese is amenable to you."

"Yeah," he says, bored, "Just do whatever you need."

"As you wish."

* * *

Felix, craving some scenery that isn't the cold, stone walls of his assigned room, had Mercedes' reluctant blessing to hang around the church grounds where the children played. With a fresh change of bandages and his hair in a loose ponytail, he sits on a wheelchair under a tree and watches the children play, the wind cool against the tunic Mercedes had him wear. They laugh as they while away their time without a care in the world, perhaps a small mercy given what they have lost. Bitter as he feels about the price he and his comrades had to pay to achieve their current peace, Felix cannot bring himself to completely hate the children he's observing, nor does he have the energy to do so.

He had hoped that the different view would give him a break from the thoughts that stew in his mind, but it seems that's far from the case. Without anything meaningful to do, he has more time than he wants to think, and more time to actually go about the nightmare that is _living_, a thing he has not done in what seems to be ages. Felix hates how he simply can't return to the land of sleep, where another type of nightmare haunts him. Hates how he can barely do anything on his own right now, how Mercedes has to guide him to places—

"Hey, are you Mercie's boyfriend?"

Felix turns towards the source, unimpressed. One of the children from earlier is giving him such a comically serious look that Felix would have laughed if he cared enough to.

"Answer me, Mister Felix."

"It's 'Emile'," Felix says flatly, averting his gaze. _Of all people..._ Now that he's gotten a better look at them, he feels ill at ease with her deep green eyes and unkempt blond hair, equally piercing as another girl he once knew..

She folds her arms. "I'm pretty sure I heard 'Felix' back in your room."

"It's no longer my name."

"Huh…?" She blinks. "So you're adopted too, mister? When Mercie took us in, she told us we can have any name we wanted if we didn't like our current one."

Felix grunts, feigning disinterest. Maybe if he does it, the girl would go away and leave him alone.

"I used to be 'Alice', but 'Chris' is much stronger sounding, isn't it?"

No dice, it seems. Time to let the kid talk herself out then.

"I wanna be a knight when I grow up, so—"

"Give up on it, kid."

Felix curses himself the moment he blurts it out, unneeded, far too sharp for someone who did not care about this child he just met this morning.

"Why should I?"

Of course, that gets her on the defensive, and now Felix owes her an explanation he is not too keen on giving.

"Look," Felix says, summoning enough resolve to look her in the eye, "grow up, get married, have kids and be done with it. You're not fit to be a knight."

It's the same advice he offered Ingrid back in the day. Out of turn just as it is right now, but all the same, it would have saved her if she had heeded it.

She puffs her cheeks. "You think I can't do it because I'm a girl. All the boys say that."

Felix _tsks_ and runs a hand through his hair in abject frustration. "It's not that."

He doesn't want to watch someone else walk down _that_ path, that's all.

"What is it, then?" she asks, folding her arms, "You just want me out of the way because you want to steal Mercie away from us, don't you?"

"We're not like that," Felix says, pressing a hand to his temple. "Now will you leave me alone?"

Instead of being deterred by his words, her eyes light up, a satisfied smile on her face.

"Teach me, then."

"Huh?" Felix narrows his eyes at her, suspicious. No, she was not going to ask—

"I heard from Mercie that you're a really good swordsman. So teach me how to use a sword."

_Goddess damn you, Mercedes._

"Why should I?" Never mind how those were her exact words earlier, childish as he's being right now.

She puffs out her chest. "I want to protect Mercie and everyone in the orphanage. That's a good thing, right?"

"No," Felix says flatly, "Go back to playing with your friends."

"But you have nothing better to do, right?" she asks, hanging her head as she raises the question.

Felix tears his eyes away from her, her point very well taken. "It's none of your business."

"It is if you're staying here! Mercie says that everyone who stays here is family. That means you're part of it too."

Before Felix could form a proper response to that, the sound of crunching grass alerts him to another person's approach.

"Sorry for taking a while," Mercedes says as she pauses a few feet away, "there was a bit of a hitch with regard to Annie's living arrangements for her visit, so I had to take care of that."

Felix frowns. _Annie?_ Is Annette going to visit? But before he can raise the question or a protest, Mercedes breaks into a smile upon seeing Felix and Chris, the latter running up to give her a hug.

"Oh, are you getting along with Emile, Chris?" Mercedes asks, returning the gesture.

"Yep!" Chris says, beaming widely, "He agreed to be my sword coach!"

Felix leans forward reflexively, only to regret it a moment later as he cringes openly at the pain that comes with the exertion.. "I didn't agree to anything."

"That's wonderful!" Mercedes says, giving Felix a warm smile.

Great, Mercedes must be thinking he is simply being difficult about this. But admittedly, it's becoming harder and harder to extricate himself from this setup, especially with Mercedes smiling like that at him.

"Fine, whatever," he says, though not without a loud _tsk_ as he shakes his head, "Don't make this a waste of my time."

Chris pumps her fist. "I won't, Master Emile!"

And with that and a small bow, Chris runs off, no doubt off to tell the other children of her new status, leaving Felix no room to protest the title.

"...That aside," Felix lifts his gaze, fixing a glare at Mercedes, "_Annie._ Is Annette visiting, and if she is, why didn't you tell me?"

The last thing he needs is another one of _them_ lurking about and making his life miserable, or hanging around in some misguided attempt to bring him back or whatever.

"Oh no, it's nothing like that!" Mercedes says, cupping a hand to her cheek, "Annie visits around this time of the year since it's a period when she's not too busy with school. Sorry, it just become a habit that informing people about it tends to slip my mind."

_Well._ That is a bit of a relief to hear, though not by much. Whatever reasons Annette may have for visiting, the fact is he's got to deal with her for an extended period of time. And considering how she's cut from a similar cloth as Mercedes when it comes to a certain brand of optimism, that's going to be _hell_ to deal with...


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annette sings a new song for Felix.

A large part of Felix had hoped that Chris would forget to cash in on his promise to teach her, but alas, that's not how his life works.

The more he dislikes the notion of something, the more it tends to dangle in front of him, as if life itself had a bone to pick with him. From the way a certain boar kept hovering around him during their academy days to the way everything he cares about slips away, it's a constant, a way of life for him at this point.

The next day, Chris bounds into his room in the afternoon, a wide grin on her face as she plants her hands by the foot of his bed.

"Master, come and teach me! I just finished with my chores!"

Felix lets out a _tch_ and casts his gaze towards the window. Maybe if he pulls the ignore card, she'll go away...

"Hmm… are you okay? Mercie didn't say anything about you having a sore throat. I'll go get—"

"...That won't be necessary," Felix says, though not without a frustrated sigh, "Give me a moment."

He's tentative when he plants his feet towards the side of his bed and climbs over to the wheelchair. While crutches were manageable, he felt like he's less likely to meet any accidents on a wheelchair. Both made him feel and look like an invalid anyway, so might as well take the safer option of the two.

Even if it made him reliant on the one pushing it.

"Yay!" Chris hops to her feet and scampers to the back of Felix's wheelchair, getting ready to push it.

"How much experience do you have with swordplay?" Felix asks as she begins rolling him out of the room.

"...None," she says, still cheerful as they pass through the hallway. Some of the children wave to them, an act which Felix chooses to ignore.

"What?" Felix asks in disbelief, "Then why even ask me?"

"I already told you! I want to protect Mercie and everyone!"

Felix lets out a short laugh. "Believe me when I say Mercedes doesn't need any watching over. You don't need to do any of that crap."

Chris _hmphs_ from behind him. "Then what about everyone?"

Well, she got him there. Felix sighs, deciding to leave it there as Chris rolls him out of the building, her humming filling the silence that hung over them.

She parks him by the side of the building. "Wait here, I'll get the training swords."

And so she hurries away, leaving Felix to his thoughts. He stares at the horizon that stretches across them, somehow bigger, wider than it was yesterday. Or is it due to them facing another angle?

Whatever the case is, he's not left much time to dwell on it, for Chris returns not a moment too soon, two wooden swords in hand. She offers one to Felix, which he reluctantly accepts as she positions herself off to the side.

While Felix is far from being spar-ready, he is, for better or for worse, capable of giving verbal instructions, sparse as they are. As Chris is a complete beginner, he focuses on correcting her posture and getting her used to wielding the practice sword.

"Quit slouching," Felix says, frowning, "Chin up. Foot forward."

"Ugh… Yes, Master."

Which is more or less how the rest of his session with Chris goes. Still, despite her grumbling, she tries her best to keep up with Felix's instructions. By the end of it all, she has some basic ideas of the basic forms involved, and is happily exhausted. Still, she makes the effort to wheel him back in his room. After giving him a bow, she promises to come back for him at the same time tomorrow.

Felix, despite not getting off his wheelchair during the whole exercise, feels quite drained himself, not sure if he could stay up for dinner when Mercedes comes around with it. Maybe he'll actually have a good night's sleep this time around...

* * *

The days leading up to Annette's inevitable visit are painful, to say the least of it. Painfully slow to pass, painfully exhausting, painfully boring…

Except for _one_ thing, he supposes.

Surprisingly, sword lessons with Chris turn out not to be as bad as he envisioned them to be. Chris, if anything, is dedicated, approaching the task with the same amount of fervency that reminded Felix of himself.

_And Ingrid_, but that's a thought he doesn't want to dwell upon.

It goes so well that Chris ends up beating one of the bigger children in a mock sword fight, prompting them to ask her the source of her strength. In which she's quick to point them towards Felix, happily so.

Which is how Felix's class of one ends up becoming a class of five children waving around toy swords, eager for whatever "Master Emile" teaches them next.

For however much he gripes about it, Felix, at the end of the day, doesn't mind it so much. Teaching is exhausting in its own way, and while by no means perfect, he tries. Shockingly, he hasn't made any of the children cry, a small fact which baffles him given how he doesn't make an effort to mince his words. In fact, it seems to endear him to them for some reason or another, and even after the lessons are over, they enjoy following him back into his room and pestering him with all sorts of questions and words of admiration.

It's a little embarrassing to be looked up upon like this, but it's not like Felix has a choice. Anyway, he just tells himself it's just for less than two months, and after that, he no longer has to put up with any of it.

And so Felix deals, and lives for the next week.

* * *

Then Annette arrives, and everything goes to hell in a handbasket.

"Felix! What a surprise!"

And indeed, Annette looks the part, eyes wide as she beholds him a few paces away from Mercedes.

"I'm sorry for not telling you earlier, Annie," Mercedes says when she finds herself the recipient of a questioning glare after they exchange hugs and a kiss on the lips. "It's a recent development, one that had happened after I sent my last letter to you."

"I see," Annette says as she pulls away from Mercedes, turning towards Felix this time around. "Well then, Felix..."

"Emile," Felix says, dour as his eyes bore into Annette's.

Annette blinks at him. "Huh?"

"That's Emile, Annie," Mercedes says, smiling as if it is something to celebrate rather than a questionable decision on Felix's end.

"Oh!" Annette's brows shoot up in realization. "Sorry about that!"

Felix lets out an irritated noise, resisting the urge to roll his eyes at this pointless exchange. Hopefully it will be the first and last time he'll have it, as he isn't sure how much more of this correcting business he can take.

"A-Anyway!" Annette looks like she's back to her old self, clapping her hands together and folding them as she gives Felix a smile. "I'm not sure if Mercedes told you, but I'll be staying here for two weeks. Let's get along, shall we?"

"Yeah."

"Alright!" Annette says as if Felix didn't give her the most dull response in the world. "I'm looking forward to it, Emile!"

Felix averts his gaze, though not without a soft _tch_. Great. Is he going to have to put up with a second sun hanging above him? No, make that three, Chris is doing a good job of being a nuisance as much as Mercedes is.

...Living, indeed, is a curse that he has no escape from.

* * *

"Fe—Emile!"

Felix sighs from his wheelchair as Annette bounds towards him, beaming as usual.

"I brought some snacks for you and the kids!"

At those words, the said kids lift their gazes towards Annette and the basket she had hooked around her arm. Dropping their wooden swords, they gather around, clearly beckoned by the sweet smell of freshly baked cakes.

"Good work, everyone!" she says, smiling as she lets them have their pick from the basket. "You too, Emile! Come and get some."

"...I hate sweets," Felix says, frowning at the slowly disappearing selection.

Annette puffs her cheeks, brows furrowed at him. "Mercie and I made this especially less sweet so you'd eat it!"

_Damn it, why can't Annette just let this go?_

"Doesn't matter, it's still gonna be sweet."

"Aw, come on…!"

"Yeah, Master!" Chris pipes up, "It's really good, even if they didn't put too much sugar!"

She breaks off a piece of her share, offering it to Felix. "Try it! I helped pick out the chocolate for this one, so it should be good!"

Defeated, Felix opens his mouth and lets Chris push the piece of chocolate cake into it.

"...It's not bad."

It's actually way better than he thought it would be, but it's not about to change his mind on the subject of sweets.

"What?" Felix asks, casting a glare in Annette's direction, feeling a rather intense gaze on him.

The surprisingly melancholic expression on her face gives way to chuckle. "Nothing!"

"Spit it out."

"I mean what I said!" Annette says, grinning from ear to ear, "I just… didn't expect you'd be so soft towards the children."

Felix rolls his eyes. "I just don't want her to cry if I refused."

It's strange how Annette gives him a knowing, if a bit fond look at that. One that has him scratching his head until Chris pouts, balling her fists and pumping them in an exaggerated motion.

"Excuse me, that was just once!"

Before Felix could respond, a laugh breaks through their conversation, a melodic sound that Felix has not heard in ages. He furrows his brows at the source, who is busy covering her mouth as she giggles.

"I'm sorry," Annette says, "Just… fighting with a kid..."

Felix _tsks_. "Hell if I am."

He is, he totally is, but the Goddess will have to drag him screaming into hell first before he admits it.

"Yeah, that was totally low, Master!"

Felix presses a hand to his forehead. "Now you're just ganging up on me."

To his eternal bafflement, Chris and Annette laugh. No matter how he prods them, they wouldn't tell him the reason why they do, their silence on the matter continuing until Annette splits off to return to the kitchen, leaving him to the rest of the lesson he still has to teach his ragtag class.

* * *

Of course, a few days later, in true Annette fashion, she ends up having a magnificent trip while helping out Mercedes with some chores around the dining hall.

With Felix's luck being the way it is, he is, of course, ambling past on his crutches when she does, and ends up landing on his bad leg.

"I'm so sorry!"

That's the umpteenth time Felix has heard that statement from Annette, who is busy fretting by his bedside, the book on her lap stuck on the same page since she's settled there after she and Mercedes carried him back to his room to tend to his now sprained ankle.

And Felix, right about now, is done with it. Convenient as it is, he is really getting tired of this overeager desire to wait on him, way more overbearing than a mother could be. Groaning, he frowns at Annette.

"Annette."

"Yes?" she asks, eagerly getting to her feet, "Can I get you something?"

"If you're really so sorry, then sing me a song."

"Huh…?" Annette looks at him, dumbfounded. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Felix says, a touch of exasperation in his tone. "I wouldn't ask if I wasn't."

It has been a while, but he still remembers them. Likes them, even. It really is crazy how her songs linger in his mind long after she's sung them, and he hasn't quite figured out if she had some hidden magic at work, or if he has some untapped fondness for music.

"Okay… then," she says, somewhat hesitant as she slips back into her chair, "which one do you want?

"Start with whatever you want."

And so she does, as Felix closes his eyes to concentrate on them better. With the swamp beasties song that had him raising a brow back in the day. Then the sweets one which haunted him in his dreams. The dungeons one which he hummed while doing his chores.

She continues like this for a while, until—

"I have one that I haven't shared with you yet. Should I… sing that one too?"

"Yeah, sure," Felix says as he opens his eyes and gives her a nod. It's not like he told her to stop anyway, and there's something… strangely nice about the wave of nostalgia that had settled over them, to say the least of it.

Annette takes a deep breath. "Here I go."

_There were once two friends,_  
_Time and space, their bond transcends._  
_Loog and Kyphon, they are called,  
_ _In great stories ever told._

She sings about the mighty Loog and his trusty friend, Kryphon. Loog, who withstood all obstacles with his unstoppable might. Kryphon, his trusty sword, equally unyielding and loyal. In the same voice he's been captive to, except for one thing—

"...You okay?" Felix furrows his brows at Annette, who pauses in the middle of the song.

"I'm… fine," Annette says, rubbing at her eyes with her wrist, "I'm not yet done."

_Oh, Loog and Kyphon, they might fight,_  
_But they always make up by the end of the night._  
_They are the best of friends,  
_ _Always... together... until... all..._

Annette slurs the last of the song lyrics, throwing her arms around Felix to give him a tight hug.

"I'm so sorry, Felix..."

Before Felix can protest the name, she gives him a firm squeeze, burying her face into his shirt.

"Please, just let me have this."

Felix sighs, and despite how heavy his chest feels, he wraps an arm around Annette and tugs her close. Somehow, the gesture only causes her to cry some more, for her to plant a knee on the bed to draw herself deeper into the embrace.

"It's okay," he says, voice surprisingly throaty, "I'm okay."

_No, I'm not._

"No, it's not!" Annette says as much, letting out another sob. "I promised myself… I'd sing it without crying, but I can't help it… I keep thinking about the things you should have had."

Without waiting for Felix to respond, Annette trudges on, not giving him a chance to recover from his growing inner turmoil.

"You love _him_, didn't you? You never really hated him."

Annette looks up at him with her tear-streaked face, demanding an answer Felix cannot give.

"What's the point of bringing this all up?" Felix says, unable to keep his brewing anger off his tone, unrecognizably rough as it is, "He's gone."

_And is never coming back._ The dead are dead, and no amount of screaming for them will drag them back from the Goddess' embrace or the depths of hell.

"Because I love you."

Shock is an understatement to describe the expression on Felix's face then, wide-eyed, ungracefully gaping at Annette's fierce gaze. She isn't joking, she really is serious about—

"I always have," she says, hanging her head, "since you asked me to sing for you. But..."

She exhales, resting her head on his shoulder. "His Highness died, then we got busy fighting the Empire and rebuilding afterwards…"

Tears wet his sleeve as Annette blinks. "Then you left, and I didn't know what to do."

"I mean, there's still the academy, but when I'm alone, with nothing else to do, I'd remember and…"

Annette sniffles, swallowing as she shakes her head. Despite himself, it's a sound that twists at his chest like a knife, knowing perfectly well who is the cause of it all.

"I don't know what I would do without Mercie. She's important to me, but you..."

She looks up at Felix, lower lip quivering.

"Emile… no, _Felix_. Please say you'll be with me. I don't care what you've done, or what you've become. Just… stay, _please_."

Felix wills himself to keep his eyes on Annette, the least he can do for the sincere desire she manifests before him.

"...I can't," he says, exhaling, "'Felix' is gone. I'm Emile now."

There's nothing left of "Felix" to give. He died a long time ago, along with his friends in Gronder, along with the corpse of the man he still yearns for.

Instead of being crushed at the rejection, Annette chuckles instead, feeble as she shifts to rest her cheek against his shoulder.

"I knew what your answer was going to be from the get-go, but it was worth a try, I guess."

She exhales. "...Thank you."

Felix mirrors that sigh, breathing slowly as he casts his gaze to the bare ceiling. He doesn't deserve this thanks, for engaging in his selfishness, and letting Annette be beholden to that for all the years he'd been away.

At least now, she could finally move on from the forlorn husk that was once him. She deserves that 

"But for now… can you... allow me this, at least?"

_What now?_ But Felix is too tired to protest, the heaviness in his chest that isn't entirely from Annette laying against it keeping him there, mutely allowing Annette to continue.

"If you won't cry, then let me do it for you."

The lump in his throat isn't allowing for further discussion on his end anyway. Annette doesn't wait for him to respond, and simply sobs. And Felix, despite the urge to push away this right he is unworthy of, holds Annette as she mourns. Mourns the man she loves, mourns what they cannot become...

And yet, undeserving as he is, those cries begin to heal Felix's heart. The sting of tears work their way into its cracks, filling it with a warmth he hasn't known since before the Tragedy. As Annette cries out for the Felix that was once her captive, Felix feels something sting at the corner of his own eye as well. It has him weaving his hand into Annette's hair, the other supporting her back as he holds her close. Tears stream freely down his face as he buries his nose into Annette's hair, thinking of the brother who left him a shadow. The father he was never able to reconcile with. The friend that turned her back on him before he could say goodbye.

_And the man he loved all along._

It's with this in mind that Felix continues to weep, unable to stopper his dam of tears once it's been broken by Annette's own. For the next few moments, they cry in each others arms, unknowing of the woman on the other side of the door, hand clutched to her chest as she fights her own wave of tears from coming.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter I've been dying (hah) to write, featuring my best stab at Annette songwriting, aka what took forever to write here. I hope it works...!
> 
> ANYWAY so, this story kind of writes itself and I don't have any projections with regard to endgame except "yes Felix will eventually find some sort of happiness" and "Felix/Mercedes will be a thing".
> 
> So, yes. I'm gonna make this trio work, and I'm gonna touch on Mercedes/Annette too on the side (but probably not as much, we'll see!). It's a little one-sided on Felix and Annette's end right now, but I foresee the dynamic changing as the story goes. Please watch out for it in any case!


End file.
